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On the surface, Groundskeeper Willie is a surly,
gruff, hot-tempered sort of a fella, and what you see is what you get. As far as this
shaggy-haired, thickly-accented Scotsman is concerned, manners are for bath-taking,
underpants-wearing, lily-huggers. Willie would rather wrestle a wild Alaskan timber wolf
than set down to a high tea. At the faintest sign of trouble, Willie rips off his shirt
and hurls his rippling muscular body into the fray. Crediting his remarkable build in part
to his diet, Willie vigorously promotes the eating of haggis.
While Willie regards Principal Skinner as nothing more than a
"silk-wearin' croquet-playin' buttercup," he takes pride in performing the tasks
Skinner sets for him. In addition to his regular groundskeeping at Springfield Elementary,
these include chasing stray dogs through the air vents, watering down the orange drink for
extra profits at school functions, and substitute-teaching French class in his own
sensitive way: "Bonjour, you cheese-eatin' surrender-monkeys."
Willie's personal life is as rocky and desolate
as his native land. While it is true that his was once engaged to magical British nanny,
Shary Bobbins, she dumped him immediately when her eyesight returned. Since then, he has
spent the bulk of his private time secretly videotaping couples in their cars.
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